what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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