i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Text me some of your sweat
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