just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
bring money and cleavage
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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