I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
