I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
