That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize