Can i not drive my cunt home
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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