The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
