my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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