i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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