dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
