He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
