He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
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Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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