so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
