his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
