i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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