i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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