I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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