You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
