I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
love makes seman taste better
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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