JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
