I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
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Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
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It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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