u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
