let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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