Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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