I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
