When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My ass is underappreciated
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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