It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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