I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
