I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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