Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
