tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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