I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
