fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I need to wash the frat house off of me
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
