ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
