there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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