God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
worst night to have a conscience
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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