New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
