Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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