Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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