Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
