Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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