If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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