You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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