4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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