quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You may now shotgun with the bride
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
