This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
