"it" just moved
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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