I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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