Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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