True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
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Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
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I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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