Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
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Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
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WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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