hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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