Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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