soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
