yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
