ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
