having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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