guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
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He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
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Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate