Texts From Last Night

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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.

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  (520): I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs. http://tfl.nu/cv5b
  Replies (5) Good night (3534) Bad night (787)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever

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  (734): It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever http://tfl.nu/iaws
  Replies (12) Good night (6622) Bad night (561)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed

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  (336): i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed http://tfl.nu/dxga
  Replies (20) Good night (5066) Bad night (1180)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table

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  (610): Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table http://tfl.nu/dmz2
  Replies (92) Good night (946) Bad night (5064)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?

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  (701): how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am? http://tfl.nu/mmwh
  Replies (6) Good night (3638) Bad night (909)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off

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  (401): yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off http://tfl.nu/phv1
  Replies (2) Good night (1910) Bad night (1115)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to celebrate with you...

  (214): View more from Texas

  There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.

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  (713): I want to celebrate with you... (214): There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner. http://tfl.nu/n2zn
  Replies (3) Good night (1649) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..

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  (270): You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it.. http://tfl.nu/hsv3
  Replies (2) Good night (1809) Bad night (561)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.

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  (201): A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns. http://tfl.nu/v0at
  Replies (5) Good night (1349) Bad night (452)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.

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  (215): You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you. http://tfl.nu/sg3o
  Replies (7) Good night (1124) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..

  (707): View more from California

  WOAH TOO HIGH

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  (707): I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted.. (707): WOAH TOO HIGH http://tfl.nu/n7qo
  Replies (3) Good night (976) Bad night (392)
• Favorite

  (551): View more from New Jersey

  No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.

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  (551): No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours. http://tfl.nu/8sve
  Replies (4) Good night (1172) Bad night (250)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.

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  (705): I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught. http://tfl.nu/csvp
  Replies (3) Good night (859) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.

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  (212): last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite. http://tfl.nu/5zyt
  Replies (10) Good night (987) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.

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  (727): I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry. http://tfl.nu/459t
  Replies (0) Good night (430) Bad night (179)

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