Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
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Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
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I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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